Down to where? Down to there.

Hair.

Men can be hairy mother fuckers and still be considered sexy as hell.

Women in this country (and others), on the other hand, are subjected to various forms of hair removal: shaving, plucking, waxing, laser removal, lotions, creams, etc.

We all want to be sexy for our partners. But since when does sexy = hairless?

I'm Italian, aight...we have dark, coarse, thick hair, and if you try to make it go away, it gets very angry at you and tries to take over.

Case in point: I have tried shaving AND waxing AND lotions/creams on my legs, bikini line, upper lip, underarm, you name it. All that has done is force me to keep my face in a mirror every other day to check for stray hairs that are trying to stage a coup on my newfound smooth skin.

It's annoying as fuck, quite frankly.

So let's go down the list of each option and their pros and cons, shall we?

Shaving: Most women must shave at a minimum of every other day to maintain the smooth feeling. It has to be done with a water source and some kind of lathering agent, whether soap or shave gel/cream. You need to carry a razor with you whenever you go on vacation so as not to anger the leg hair. It's a pain in the ass.

Waxing: Ow, mother fucker. Ow. If you try to do this yourself, you not only need wax and strips to use, but you also need someone to stick their arm in your mouth so you can chew it the fuck off. If you have it professionally done, they provide the wax and strips and if you're lucky, you can chew THEIR arm off when they're done.

Plucking: Tweezers are the devil's tool. I can make myself look like a clown and bleed all within a 30 second time period. Sometimes you aim for one hair and you get three. Other times you keep aiming for the same hair for an hour and the little bastard doesn't cooperate.

Laser removal: I've not done this one but I've seen it done and the person being treated likened it to having someone stab you over and over again with a teeny tiny hot poker. Wtf?

Lotions/creams: Depending on the brand you buy and the type you use, this doesn't have to be a painful process. You put the lotion on (I like either the newer Nair formulations or Sally Hansen), wait the allotted time, and then wipe off the lotion and the hair that used to be underneath. The only problem with this is that the allotted time is proportional to the type of hair you have on your body. And as I said before, coarse, dark, thick hair is what I was "blessed" with. So my time is always at the high end of the range they give in the directions.

That means that for about 15 minutes, I have to sit around like Santa Claus with a white mustache and sometimes white chin (depending on how rebellious the chin fuzz is at that time). I can't answer the doorbell if it rings and I can't pick up the phone for fear that I'll get that gunk on my touchscreen. Plus if I were living with someone, how embarrassing would it be to have to lock myself in the bathroom for 15 minutes with the lotion and a book to wait it out. 

Not to mention that if you use it on your legs, you use so much lotion that you have to buy several at one time and then you are poor and you have to live in the box that the lotion came in.

So I'd love to know what you all use to make yourselves smooth so that you can get naked and feel like you're on a magazine cover. :o)

Exqueef me? What did you say?

Queefing is also known as "vaginal flatulence." It is the expulsion of air from the vagina either from sex or other exercises. When air is forced into the vagina of a pregnant woman, it can cause an air embolism which can cause brain damage or even death for both the woman and her child(ren). Therefore, it's not really a laughing matter.

Although if you've ever been doing the nasty, then you know the problem is that it sounds like your hoo-hoo crapped itself.

This can be particularly embarrassing if you are engaging in a sexual encounter with someone for the first time. It can also be equally blush-inducing if you are with someone that you've partnered with for years.

Women are supposed to poop rainbows and fart daisies, right? Is it possible to prevent your cunt trumpet from making music?

The best way to lessen your changes of having a crotch toot is to change positions often. As I'm sure most of you do NOT want him to stop pounding away like the end of the world is approaching, switch it up a bit! Get sporked (spooned on your side from behind - I totally just made that up), ride him and save a horse, or have him bend you over the nearest stationary object like the wanton hussy you want to be.

By switching positions throughout your sexual escapades, you are forcing any air inside to move around and it will hopefully leave your body in small poofs instead of one giant POOF.

Your guy can also help with this by not completely extracting his cock from you while he thrusts. Leaving the tip slightly inside the vagina while he penetrates can limit the amount of air that is introduced.

Do keep in mind, however, that if the woofle tweet has a smell to it, you should see a doctor ASAP. It may be a sign of an infection or other underlying problem.

So, ladies. I'd love to hear your queef stories. Come on, you know you have them. Spill!