Chivalry SHOULD be dead.

Chivalry is always discussed as being something women look for in a man. Someone to hold open a door or lay down a jacket in case of a rogue puddle that cannot otherwise be crossed.

My friend Whitley recommended this article to me and it makes some excellent points. It discusses chivalry and how it puts the protection of the woman's honor onto any man associated with her. If she acts in an honorable way, he is honored. If she does not, he is shamed.

It causes an unnecessary internalization of a woman's true thoughts, feelings, wants, desires, loves, and hates, all because she must act in a way that will bring nothing but honor upon her man.

The specific details of the article won't be discussed here, but I do recommend that you give it a read, as it discusses several interesting cases of misogyny (the hatred and demoralizing of women).

What I would like to talk about is the way that our society allows women (and let's be fair, in today's day and age, men too) to be debased and degraded when she embraces a more sexual lifestyle.

Traditionally, men were perfectly happy laying with a woman of less-than-stellar connections as long as they found a virgin to make their wife. The very society we branched off from to make our own country was founded on a patriarchal cultural structure. Woman, however, were branded whores if they were found out to have engaged in sexual congress of any kind before their wedding day.

Now, in 2010, as much as we tout equally for women and sexual liberation, a woman who is considered "loose" is still treated with disrespect from both men and women alike. Men are, once again, glad to engage a loose woman in sexual exploits as long as no one finds out and they can take home a "good girl" to meet Mom.

Women are guilty of similar transgressions. We are a catty kind, we women. If we find out a woman has been sexually promiscuous, even if she has been safe and responsible about her activities, we will immediately brand her a "slut" and gossip behind her back. As Tina Fey's character said in Mean Girls, "There seems to be some girl-on-girl crime here."

We argue and fight over some of the very men who make us feel inferior in the first place.

We allow a society largely based on a religion where women are not allowed to hold a higher position than a man to dictate rules of chastity and sanctity.

We give up control of our bodies and minds so that we can feel secure in a relationship that may not be healthy for us anyway.

Chivalry is NOT something to strive for. Chivalry assumes that a woman cannot do or think or act of her own volition because she needs to defer to a man in those situations. It breeds misogyny of women because it assumes women are inferior to men.

Chivalry and kindness are two different things. Strive for kindness. Strive for respect. Strive for partnership.

What's so great about anal?

Can someone please tell me? I don't get it!

I've been gracious enough to allow an ex-bf (bf at the time) to go in the backdoor when I was on my period and feeling particularly generous. But I HONESTLY don't get what the allure is from a woman's point of view.

At first, it feels like your asshole is on fire and someone tried to kick you repeatedly to put it out.

Then it feels like you're taking a massive dump all over your bed or whatever surface you happen to be on.

I derived absolutely NO pleasure from it.

So are there any of my hOors out there who are also backdoor hOors? What do you see in it? How does it feel to you? I get why the guys would like it - it's tight as fuck (no pun intended).

But ladies?

G-spots are Awesome

Hello again ladies,

I've been paying so much attention to my little butterbean (clit) lately, that my poor G-spot was feeling left out. So last night, I suped up my magic wand (read: put a new battery in it) and went to town. It took all of about 3 minutes to get myself off because it had been so long...but it felt sooo good.

So I wanted to poll everyone and see what some of their favorite toys are, what the benefits of said toys are, links to the toys in case anyone wants to experiment, and anything they wish they could change about them.

I'll go first!

1) The Silver Bullet - Now this is the SILVER bullet...not the magic bullet...it will not mince up your naughty bits. It's a powerful little bugger for clit stimulation and I always have a spare handy. But it has a LOT of negatives that include: it's noisy, if you use it for longer than 20 mins you have to change the batteries (which is one of the many reasons I went rechargeable), and the wiring doesn't last more than a month before it starts blinking on and off and THAT is not as fun as it sounds. I want to KNOW I'm gonna get off...not just hope for the best.

2) The Gspot Vibe - Mmm.....this bad boy is awesome. It's water-resistant so you can take it in the tub with you. It's very powerful and not as noisy as the bullet, but you've got to take extra special care of the Gspot vibe in regards to cleaning because it's actually inserted into the vagina to stimulate the Gspot. A nice mild soap will do the trick, nothing harsh. Or you can buy a specially made toy cleaner but I find that it's not necessary to spend the money on something like that.

3) The Rabbit - This is the best of both worlds. The shaft stimulates the Gspot by rotation while being inserted, and the bunny ears stimulate the clit by vibration. The noise varies because there are many different types of Rabbits available on the market now and you can also buy versions that are compatible with strap-on harnesses so you can pleasure your girlfriend or wife if you want. Or if you're just into awesome group sex. That too. They can either have an extended end which enters you while the actual rabbit enters the other female, or you can get one with a blunt end that will still probably give you clit stimulation as you are pounding into someone else. :oD

So these are my top 3 go-to toys to get the list going. Please share your favorites so we can have a comprehensive list for our readers by our readers!

Thanks ladies and gent! ;o)

Getting Your Guy to Open Up

I received the following email from one of our hOors. You know her as Cullen Coven on Facebook!.

I would like my husband to enjoy some toys like I do. I'm not necessarily talking about dildos or vibrators, but something else he might enjoy. He's conservative for the most part with his body, but he likes to go all out on mine. For example, I can't get near his neck (he's ticklish), I can't touch his nipples (tried...it's a no go) and I cant touch his ass (he'll allow it at times, but usually, it's a no.)

Soooo....here's my dilemma. I enjoy toys, and I enjoy being a bit kinky every now and then. I'd like to use something on him since he's so damn closed up. Is there anyone out there that has tried stuff on their hubs or S/O that has worked? It's usually all about us, and what works for us, but I need help here. I'm already taken care of, I would just like my hubs to have the same pleasure.

Hi, Bri again!

Since I've only dated one guy who actually liked having his nipples touched and liked butt play (I don't actually like playing with guy butt so it was a turn off), I don't have much experience in that area. Wow...an area I don't have experience in. I'm not hOorish enough. *hangs head in shame*

So it's up to you ladies with SigOs that may be a bit more closed off to their own pleasure than you'd like to help out with this question.

How do you get your husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/wife to unclench their proverbial, and literal, assholes? How do you get them to relax and feel and experiment and play and enjoy?

I can't wait to read your comments!!

Body Image

Hello again ladies,

The lovely Megan sent in an idea for the blog that I'd like to explore.

Women can be very insecure about what we perceive to be imperfections on our bodies. Throw in being overweight (me) and it's even more complicated.

My left boob, for instance, is larger than my right boob. Most of the time, you can't tell. But even though statistics show that over 90% of people think about how others are perceiving them at any point in time, we still continue to feel insecure about things that the majority of people aren't going to notice anyway.

In today's world, meeting people on the internet for dating and friendship is commonplace. It's not uncommon for me to meet up with groups of people that I've only ever chatted with online. It's AGONIZING, however, when the anxiety kicks in and I'm so afraid they are going to judge me based on the size of my ass, belly fat, or superfluous chin.

Meanwhile, I do not judge others on those criteria, and yet I don't give them the benefit of the doubt.

Dating is a whole other beast. You chat with someone online, you exchange artfully arranged pics so he can see what you're packin but maybe not ALL of what you're packin (read: pudge, imperfections, whatever), maybe you even talk on the phone first. And even if you completely hit it off, the second you decide to meet in person, you want to vomit.

So why are we, as a society, so obsessed with perfection? Do we not realize that magazines and television shows use photoshopped pictures and airbrushing? Do we not see that in our quest for the ideal, we lose sight of how beautiful all of the imperfections can be?

Back to Megan's original question. She asked if other women feel this too and how they get over it.

I can undoubtedly say that, yes, other women (and men I'm sure) feel this too. We are so enamored by the physical that we often overlook so many other amazing qualities in others.

But what do you do to psych yourselves up to overcome the fear and anxiety? I turn on my favorite girls-kick-ass music (Pink, The Donnas, Kelly Clarkson, etc) and dance around like a fool while I get ready to go out. I am never more myself then when I'm making an ass out of myself (as those of you who know me online, and even in person, can attest to).

So what do you do to overcome your own personal body image?

I asked, you answered.

I've been hounding my fellow hOors on Facebook for things they want talked about on the blog and one of my dearies wrote me an email that was very difficult for her to write. But in that, she was able to gain some clarity and also vent her emotions in a way that only writing can provide.

The following was her response:

Okay, as you may know by now, I have some heart problems that left me not only physically, but also mentally, fucked up.

Why is this important? Well because of my upbringing and this "limitation," it severely messed with my POV on guys, relationships, and above all sex.

I have never held a boy's hand, never been kissed (cuz being kissed by the boys during the "I dare you to kiss the ugliest girl here" ain't a kiss at all), never been in love or had a boyfriend. By the end of July, I, *takes a long deep breath,* I will be a 30 year-old virgin.

Now I don't say this a shameful thing anymore. This fandom (Twilight) has brought so many positive qualities into my life and also my sexual awakening. Thank you Bri for all your posts and even though I lurk, I do pay attention and bookmark some items, (Youporn and Redtube), I feel so behind. I have no one in RL (real life) except one married friend, now my "Twiwife", to talk to about all these subjects. The only reason was because she saw a lemon (fanfic sex scene) as my status on Facebook and wanted me to share. Yep, we see each other once every two weeks, and I at least have one sex topic to get her POV on. But as much as I love her, I still feel judged and pressured when I see her face as I talk, ya know?

I mean, MoTU and the Dom/Sub/Training series have opened my eyes to visualizing more than just my old, innocent want of missionary with my bed buddy. Now how can I research something when I have no clue where to begin? I have like 0.0000% knowledge because we know porn lies!

So here are some things I would like more info on or would like to see discussed on the blog:

1. Websites every modern woman should have bookmarked, like Redtube, Youporn....

2. Places to buy items online? Like what should be in my kit? I have heard you girls talk about the bullet, rabbit, and vamp. I went to a Passion Party and was sitting in the corner mute hoping the blush would not give me away. I was the first to hold items and tried to just nod and pass but that shit did not fly. FML.

3. Sex topics from fanfics.

4. What truths and myths were you told during your first sexually active years? What was left out that you would tell your daughters, nieces, or someone like me?

5. View on friends with benefits? Now I wanna be all romantic in theory and just wait for the right guy (not necessarily after I have two rings on my finger) but there are days when UoEM catches me off guard, or I need to write an essay and just the tension I feel after seeing some "romantic" porn helps clear my head and the essay just flows out of me. Weird I know.

6. Sexual performance differences with circumsized vs non.

7. Difference of sensations with and without condom.

8. The truth behind fanfic. I doubt everytime you have sex you both orgasm, much less at the same time or close to.

9. Porn for women- I mean most of it on those sites above are blowjobs and anal. Really?

I guess my main thing would be what to tell a girl who wants to be sexually confident before a *he* is even in the picture. I admit I was so frustrated, I went to the ob/gyn and was fucked by the duck, they popped my cherry. I felt emotionally messed up for the next couple of days, but I never regretted going to the doc to get my first checkup. I could start everything knowing I was okay before sex REALLY becomes a possibilty for me.

I doubt that when my guy is a part of my life he will be a virgin too and I would hate to be so sexually repressed or uninformed that I would have to take any lil thing he did as pleasurable and my only option. Does that make sense or have I just made myself out to be a prude romantic dumbass?

Anyways, I follow the website and hope it goes really well.

xoxo

Jessica (Visit her on Facebook HERE.)


Hi there, Bri again. So there you have it. Anyone who wants to write a post on any of the above topics, please just let me know and then submit the topic to heyaskbri@gmail.com. Otherwise, I'll be systematically going through everything in the queue of submissions for blog posts.

You can also look forward to more by Maradith! She's currently writing a multi-orgasmic...I mean, multi-part blog post! ;o)

Female Ejaculation

or

How I Drenched My Husband, Myself, the Bed, and the Floor

This is meant to be a how-to guide. A little lesson on a subject that, up until about a month ago, I wasn’t actually sure was real. I mean, sure, I’d seen the pornos where the girls, while in the midst of their over-the-top moaning and groaning, would suddenly squirt out some sort of liquid from some unknown source. I, for one, don’t believe everything I see in pornos though. I mean, most cocks are NOT that big! No, really!

Anyway, after seeing it a few times, my husband wanted me to try it. What a great idea! Only problem - I had no idea what it actually was or how to do it. So to the internet I went. I watched how-to videos. I watched more porn. I even tried, or thought I was trying, to do it while having sex. Nothing happened. I was starting to think it was a myth; that squirting wasn’t real. And the one night… SQUIRT!!! Wait, actually it was a GUSH, not an actual squirt. We had figured it out! I felt as if I had joined some special club! I was a SQUIRTER! Cue the porno music!

So, how did I do it? What was it like? How do I know what I did was squirting and not peeing? Once we learn how to do it can we start our own club? Enough with the questions! On to the lesson!

What you need:
Towels or blankets for under your bum
A vibrator
A helping hand (or finger, as the case may be)

How to do it:
1. First of all, RELAX! Don’t make the focus all about trying to squirt; even if you don’t accomplish it THIS time, you can still get a really good orgasm!

2. Lay back in a comfy, reclining position.

3. Fire up the vibrator! Give yourself some clit action. Get yourself really aroused. Heck, plug in a porno if that helps!

4. Once you are good and aroused, it’s time for some G-spot stimulation. If you don’t know where your G-spot is, you might want to take some time to familiarize yourself with that before you start trying to squirt. My preference for the G-spot stimulation is my hubby’s FAWESOME fingers. If you're on your own, you might have to figure out what works for you. So by now, you should be stimulating both your clit and your G-spot and feeling really good!

5. As you get close to orgasm, you might start feeling a sensation like you have to pee. I have never felt that sensation, but I’ve read a lot of women do. I actually start to feel a warm sensation. If this is what you are feeling, it’s working!

6. When you feel yourself start to orgasm, PUSH! Bear down through your vajayjay! Don’t worry that you will pee, because you won’t! Just let it go!

7. SQUIRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There! Hopefully, it worked! And if not, don’t give up! It took us quite a few tries to finally get it down! Practice makes perfect ladies! You can do it!

A few words of warning though, you might want to try this out in the bathtub your first time, because you might make quite a mess. We started with a towel under my bum, then graduated to two towels, then to a blanket and two towels and this last time I totally missed the blanket and hit the hubby’s pillow! Oops!

So, I hope this opens up a whole new world for you and if you have any questions or need some pointers, feel free to ask! I haven’t perfected the technique yet and am not able to squirt other than the way described above just yet. But, hey, I plan on getting a lot of practice!

Contributed by Maradith

Hi readers

So...I belong to a book club that meets every Thursday night. For the most part, we read fanfiction and then discuss it a bit. But really, we relate it to our everyday lives and then talk about sex.

It rocks my socks.

Then I thought what a great idea it would be if we could take what we do, the coming out of our collective societal shells, and bring it to more people via the web.

So that is what this blog is for.

If you have questions that you'd like answered by either me or my beautiful, intelligent, amazing friends, then please feel free to write via email.

If you want to share a story of sex or love or hope or life or triumph or hardship, please write in.

No topic is taboo as long as it's addressed in a respectful manner.

Bring it on.