Hello again ladies,
The lovely Megan sent in an idea for the blog that I'd like to explore.
Women can be very insecure about what we perceive to be imperfections on our bodies. Throw in being overweight (me) and it's even more complicated.
My left boob, for instance, is larger than my right boob. Most of the time, you can't tell. But even though statistics show that over 90% of people think about how others are perceiving them at any point in time, we still continue to feel insecure about things that the majority of people aren't going to notice anyway.
In today's world, meeting people on the internet for dating and friendship is commonplace. It's not uncommon for me to meet up with groups of people that I've only ever chatted with online. It's AGONIZING, however, when the anxiety kicks in and I'm so afraid they are going to judge me based on the size of my ass, belly fat, or superfluous chin.
Meanwhile, I do not judge others on those criteria, and yet I don't give them the benefit of the doubt.
Dating is a whole other beast. You chat with someone online, you exchange artfully arranged pics so he can see what you're packin but maybe not ALL of what you're packin (read: pudge, imperfections, whatever), maybe you even talk on the phone first. And even if you completely hit it off, the second you decide to meet in person, you want to vomit.
So why are we, as a society, so obsessed with perfection? Do we not realize that magazines and television shows use photoshopped pictures and airbrushing? Do we not see that in our quest for the ideal, we lose sight of how beautiful all of the imperfections can be?
Back to Megan's original question. She asked if other women feel this too and how they get over it.
I can undoubtedly say that, yes, other women (and men I'm sure) feel this too. We are so enamored by the physical that we often overlook so many other amazing qualities in others.
But what do you do to psych yourselves up to overcome the fear and anxiety? I turn on my favorite girls-kick-ass music (Pink, The Donnas, Kelly Clarkson, etc) and dance around like a fool while I get ready to go out. I am never more myself then when I'm making an ass out of myself (as those of you who know me online, and even in person, can attest to).
So what do you do to overcome your own personal body image?
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Love, life, sex...no such thing as TMI.
About the Blog
This is a place where women can go when they want the truth. When they are tired of hearing sugar-coated bullshit about what it means to be a woman. When they are sick of being objectified. When they want to be aggressive and sexual and don't want to be ashamed of that.
Come here and ask Bri your questions, write an article on something you're passionate about, or share a funny or endearing story about life, love, or sex. There's no such thing as TMI.
Come here and ask Bri your questions, write an article on something you're passionate about, or share a funny or endearing story about life, love, or sex. There's no such thing as TMI.
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To submit a question, story, or article you'd like to share, please email heyaskbri@gmail.com.
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8 comments:
This is so well written! Brought tears to my eyes because it's so true! Personally I'm always wondering how other people see me and I'm worried if my back fat is showing! UGH!
To overcome it-I buy cute panties! Seriously...it works! Cute panties or sexy panties make you feel empowered and it's your own dirty little secret! Try it...wear a super sexy pair of panties and notice how you stand taller and smirk just a little because you know something that no one else does! :)
Thank you Jessica for your comment and for your compliment! I do the same thing, especially now that I'm a bit older (28). It makes me feel like a confident woman who can take on the world.
Hmm first of all the boob thing, I think is more normal than we dare talk about. No matter what happens to my body via procedures or weight gain/loss there is still 3/4 of a cup size difference. How do I know? Because those new "almost" C, D cups are still not enough to hold the larger one. My small one looks so lost in a bra sometimes, must buy those chicken cutlet thingies.
Its funny how the things we see as major and obvious flaws in ourselves are different when you ask each person. My scar issues I can hide with a full coverage top or tee which sucks when this Texas heat is full on. If by some chance I feel too nervous about it I do my lil Wide Awake homage, zip up a hoodie or if I can't bear the heat or have no options to cover up I just wear my sunglasses even if I am the only one wearing them or if it is inside of a Walmart! But mostly I tend to focus on my muffin top and eyebrows so that is the first thing I look at on all females that are near me. Meanwhile my lil sis has issues with her flat, thinning hair so she automatically disses anyone when she thinks may have it worse than her.
To overcome the fear I sometimes use music to get me so blissed and distracted that by the time the nerves come back, I am already in the door. Going with a group of supporters/friends/cheerleaders can help too. I love Jessica's idea about the lingerie. Sometimes I even have my silver Cullen crest close by to rub on to "give me strength" to make it past the first ten seconds. Not every situation will turn out über positive but as time goes on and you practice they get fewer and far between.
I say present yourself as what makes you happy and not regret being true to yourself. A guy can't love you for you if you don't show him who you REALLY are. xoxo
Wow. Serious topic for me. At 39 and after 3 kids, I would be hard pressed to tell you something I actually like about my body. I can point out the saggy boobs (one of which is bigger than the other and one of the nipples points more down than the other lol), the stretch marks, the cellulite dimples, the saggy butt, the baby pooch, the boob fat, etc. I hate trying on clothes because I feel too fat, or too dumpy, or my boobs are too big for the shirt because all clothes are made for stick figures. Seeing Victorias Secret ads on TV are torture.
But one thing I have learned in my 39 years is not to worry about what others think about me. If they like me, they like me. If they don't, they don't. I'm not here to please everyone else. And, honestly, no one could be any harder on me than I am on myself. I'm my own biggest critic. So if someone finds or comments negatively on my physical appearance, I can guarantee you there are 10 things they don't like about themselves that they are hoping I don't notice.
So my advice is just be comfortable with who you are. Doesn't matter your size or shape. Confidence is a pretty sexy thing. We all have a lot more going for us than our looks. So don't be held back by your perceived insecurities. Everyone is unique! Embrace your imperfections!
"So if someone finds or comments negatively on my physical appearance, I can guarantee you there are 10 things they don't like about themselves that they are hoping I don't notice."
Couldn't have said it any better myself.
Wow! you ladies are so great! Definitely some good words Maradith! It's weird cause i KNOW i shouldn't care (i think we all do) but that doesn't always make it go away... if only me a by emotions would listen to my head sometimes! i have definitely gained a lot of self confidence with age but i just hope it continues to get better. it's so funny how many of us have a boob bigger than the other! i knew that was true but never realized how many women have a problem with it! i have nipple rings so that's kinda fun cause it's a distraction from my right one being almost a D and my left being a small C... (not the reason i got them, but a total bonus) It's really nice to have this as an outlet to discuss this stuff openly... so thanks Bri for being so awesome i could kiss you!
*puckers* ;o)
OKAY! These is right up my alley! THE BODY IMAGE!The biggest turn on is CONFIDENCE! I for one am more confident when I am at my FITTEST..BUT a big But..(No PUN) intended...I know that I am my worst critic..and I think even if I am a little heavier..or I notice the stinking BIG laugh lines on my face..or the SAGGY freakin boobs..If a man..(my hubby) is having sex with me..its because he LIKES me..HELLO! Sexy is as Sexy does..I think If a woman is drop dead gorgeous but is a FREAKIN BITCH! NAG! no man is gonna want her..So be SEXy, Be real! LOVE MUCH & BE LOVED back!...(Oh and yeah ..Learn to give ONE HELL of a BJ!)
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